THE TEST

1st of September will be a special date for me from today onwards. I got a 'positive' from the pregnancy test kit last night. We were back from a gathering with friends and T commented that he will be buying the pregnancy test kit for me tomorrow. I got all excited and requested for him to go get the kit right away. I dislike the unknowns and I will fight for every opportunity to find out any answers that I need to know in the soonest possible time..good and bad. T went off alone to five different locations but the kits at these places were all sold out. Finally, I asked him to drive me to Mustafa as I read on someone's blog that there are kits which are selling for $2. POSITIVE!

GOOD BAD

I promised myself that I will really SLOG when I first joined this company. A few months had passed and I feel that I did not slog but I am definitely working hard. The constant self reminder that I did not slog is causing me some stress, I definitely can do more than what I am doing now. In order to stop stressing over this, I need to change. Let this posting be a brand new beginning to my career. From today onwards, I will focus and set new challenges for myself. MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

As for personal stuff. I must stop worrying about matters that are not within my control. Stop interfering in matters that are none of my business, my offering of help may be more of a hinderance to others. For those who have been taking me for granted, I should stop wishing that they will improve, 'wake up' and spend more efforts on those who really appreciate me.

On a happy note, I am thankful for my parents, especially my dad for instilling the right values in me. I attended a dinner function recently and T commented that I carried a decent conversation well comparing to some of the ladies on the same table. I am not shy to admit that although I might not be the best but at least I know how to present myself well when attending social or formal events. If you want to see the 'loud' me, meet me for informal coffee/drinking sessions and you will be shocked.

WELL SAID

I read something on FB about disappointments in a relationship, "No Expectations, No Disappointments". Normally when I am disappointed with T, I will tell myself, in a sore manner, not to expect anything from him again to avoid disappointments. However, after watching the movie on tv, 'Eat, Pray, Love', I realised that I was wrong all these while. Through the scene of an arguement between Julia Roberts and her partner, It finally dawned on me that it is not healthy for a relationship to have expectations. I am trying to minimise any expectations that I have from T....very difficult process.

Recently, there were quite a lot of quarrels between us. I am very sensitive towards his quick temper and stubbornness. I find myself getting disgusted with him whenever he flares up. To me, a man must be able to control his temper well so that the mind will be clear to make any judgement/decision. On a positive note, our quarrels do not last long.

I also noticed that we are not as close anymore. It is part and parcel of a marriage? I do not know. I wonder if he is stressed or too caught up in his work to spend quality time communicating with me. I even thought of a 'no tv and no ipad in room' rule when both of us are in the bedroom but I know that it is a stupid rule. I realised that he does not really appreciate the things I do or enforce for him to have a healthier life. I got very demoralised. However, I received an watsapp message from him this morning telling me about his work day. I was touched that he made the effort to communicate with me, he has always been making this effort to message me. He helps with the housework, ferries me wherever I want to go and volunteers to send me for a work task during the weekends.

I guess I got to stop being so over-sensitive and practice what I learnt from the movie, do not have expectations!

Next task for us! Try to have a baby...not just the 'if have then good' attitude! :p